I'm in a Book! I'm Famous?

This is just great.

I Googled Wesley King + Raleigh + lost wallet and I find out things about me that I never knew. 

I should have drowned John that day we splashed together. I should have given him the ol' Baptist treatment... but held him under for just a few seconds too long. It would have been so easy, and I would have gotten a nice pair of water moccasins out of the deal.

But alas, his splashes distracted me from the fact that Vanita was a useless excuse for a human - even worse than he was. Why does it always have to come back to snakes with me? And is Vanita a poorly veiled caricature of Vanity?

Velocirapper's Journal Reveals Top 3 Things on Teenage Dino's Mind

Exciting news out of the Earth's crust.

Today, archaeologists uncovered what is presumably the journal of a teenage raptor and bad rapper: the Velocirapper. Filled with angst and scrawled sloppily on the barely-preserved wing of a pterodactyl, the diary offers scathing insight into popular dinosaur culture.

Surprises from the rap*:

• Among Ornithischians, the leading cause of death was unplanned parenthood and the resulting battle over who got to (b)eat the children
• Female velociraptors could not say yes to a dating request; they played coy, and suffered the consequences
• King Turtles sat at the top of the food chain and brought swift justice to underrepresented artists

*Some of the more lucid and "rappy" verses were lost in translation.

Horny Ornithischians

Velocirapper's "Die Already" Diary

Entry Important #2

Notes: Today I could count two to.

My Rap Journey
Horny ornis chewin', bruisin' on their babies,
Sabre-toothed mo'***kas spreadin' poison-tipped rabies,
The ladies I love chirping never-ending "maybes" (sigh)
Ladies, watch yourself or get a claw to the face, (power growl)
I can't wait to make it out of this place.
Pangaea is as pansy does, an unprotected nest,
I request to quest free, hollow bones in my chest.
I put my wish at the wisdom paw of King Turtle's flame,
Grant me pleasure, grant me protean, grant me unprotected fame.
-Velocirapper