Thursday, June 16, 2011

Velocirapper's Journal Reveals Top 3 Things on Teenage Dino's Mind

Exciting news out of the Earth's crust.

Today, archaeologists uncovered what is presumably the journal of a teenage raptor and bad rapper: the Velocirapper. Filled with angst and scrawled sloppily on the barely-preserved wing of a pterodactyl, the diary offers scathing insight into popular dinosaur culture.

Surprises from the rap*:

  • Among Ornithischians, the leading cause of death was unplanned parenthood and the resulting battle over who got to (b)eat the children
  • Female velociraptors could not say yes to a dating request; they played coy, and suffered the consequences
  • King Turtles sat at the top of the food chain and brought swift justice to underrepresented artists

*Some of the more lucid and "rappy" verses were lost in translation.

Horny Ornithischians

Velocirapper's "Die Already" Diary
Entry Important #2

Notes: Today I could count two to.

My Rap Journey
Horny ornis chewin', bruisin' on their babies,
Sabre-toothed mo'***kas spreadin' poison-tipped rabies,
The ladies I love chirping never-ending "maybes" (sigh)
Ladies, watch yourself or get a claw to the face, (power growl)
I can't wait to make it out of this place.
Pangaea is as pansy does, an unprotected nest,
I request to quest free, hollow bones in my chest.
I put my wish at the wisdom paw of King Turtle's flame,
Grant me pleasure, grant me protean, grant me unprotected fame.

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