Friday, January 28, 2011

The Food Chain around our House

I want to tell you a story of how a food chain forms. The food chain might not want that story told, but it isn't its place to tell us what to say. That's right food chain, you just going on linking things together and leave the writing to me.

Food chains are common amongst people living within one life click from a resolved state. They are a species all their own. Born unresolved, food chains seek out people seeking out mini-moments of clarity in which life preceding this moment is labeled rubbish, and what is to follow is considered wholly unrelated to what came before. What once was found is now lost, or thrown out with the weekly recycling. Food chains are parasites that cause their hosts to rename themselves even as they remain themselves even as they redefine themselves.

Food chains are irrational cyclists, riding stationary bikes in basements and operating motorcycles on misinformation highways. They like to wrap their bodies in pillows of self-delusion while forgetting to protect their helmets by using their heads. Right now there is a food chain viced tightly around my house.

It peeks in the windows, making sure that we are saying the right things and acting the right actions. It grows exponentially as bodies enter the room, and is most vulnerable when there is only one, alone. Where people have made promises to each other, food chains flourish.  It’s as if each person owns a link. Some were forged with strong resolve and others out of necessity, but all exist.

Whereas natural food chains have a direction – up, down, and “get in my mouth, because I’m a sideways shark” – artificially formed chains exist in a circle. A circle presents certain weaknesses, but one of its main strengths is that it doesn’t move without consensus or at least lack of resistance to the leading opinion.

Somehow, thankfully, my house inherited a benign food chain. Just by looking each other in the eye and saying “I want my link to touch your link” we have accomplished something: momentum. And, even though it is just a derivative of our goal, which is excellence in fitness, it is entirely more powerful. Fitness is a nebulous finish line, always floating forward into the distance. But momentum is fun, it is out of control, and it is flexible. Most importantly, it is social, so I don’t mind ducking under the food chain as I leave the house every morning and come home at night. As far as I’m concerned, it is welcome to hangout for as long as it wants.

Conversations to Judge By:
I went to Whole Foods today. Check out this grocery list.
Oh, you guys went shopping? I’ll cook!
Somebody’s cooking? Guess I’ll go for a quick run and think about what we can eat tomorrow.
I saw a guy eating a tomorrow sandwich at the gym today. He was biting his tongue, benching way more than the bar, and thinking about how much better he will look tomorrow.

Hey Trevor, are you a runner?
Uh, I don’t ever really walk anywhere.
You wok like a Chinese saucepan.
That was some excellent swai sauce.
And so on and so forth, culminating in a three-day period in which "swai" was a buzzword and synonymous with everything dirty. As a house, we've lost 15 pounds, and that is with one of the four of us trying to gain weight. If you are part of a malignant food chain, rust as much as you can, get some chain cutters, and start cutting yourself. Don't worry, it will only hurt for a few weeks.

No comments:

Post a Comment