Thursday, July 2, 2009

One Two Mucho

I had to stand up from my desk today and take a 10 minute walk to cool off. This rarely happens to me when I'm working alone, but I just couldn't stop laughing. None of the following are killers stand-alone, but for some reason coming across them all one after the other put me over the edge.


Cow poop

Date: 2009-05-25, 8:30PM EDT

We have cows that keep pooping and it's more than we can handle. Every day there is more cow shit piling up and my husband is starting to panic. He works at Jiffy Mart and doesn't have the time to figure out what to do with all of it. I work too, and I dread coming home each night only to see the cows have pooped another mountain. Please, if you know what can be done about this situation, please let us know as we are at wits end. The stench is becoming unbearable here and I can hardly eat my salad right now as I type this.

Wanted: Taxidermist who watches a lot of Kung Fu

Date: 2009-05-26, 5:37PM MST

I am looking to hire someone with the means to obtain and stuff animals in fashions I choose, which will be Kung Fu for now. When I was younger I convinced a friend of mines dad to create two squirrels Kung Fu fighting. I still think about it from time to time and have decided to get my own Kung Fu animals, I understand this is a bizarre request. Serious inquiries only, please E-Mail me the species of animals you commonly hunt or can obtain and your rate for taxidermy of each in various Kung Fu poses. Mounting preferred. Once again I feel I must state this is serious. If you can show any of your previous work it will probably give you an edge on the competition. Please respond via/e-mail. Thank you.
  • Compensation: There will be payment, decent pay. Depends on quality of work and product which will vary.
Everyone is going home for the weekend, it seems, so tonight I have made plans with myself to got watch Public Enemies with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale. This is a test of my patience with Christian. I used to think of the British-born chappie as one of my favorites, but the Dark Knight and Terminator have tainted my stained-glass visage of the actor. Work today consisted of more training, minus the bras, wheels, and diapers that usually accompany such events. I will likely update tomorrow... because I have work off!

Praise corporate holidays. I need to figure out my banking situation tomorrow, and that is all. Adios, fellows and cheerleaders.


  1. Hi Wes! I hope the movie proved to be a good way to spend your evening. I sort of wanted to see it too,I didn't realize it was called Public Enemies. It looked good in the commercial. So you have tomorrow off? I'm sorry that everyone is gone...You could call Aunt Susie :)!!! Hahaha! You could call her, but you always seem to create an adventure even if it is just reading and relaxing! What ever you do, I will be expecting to read about it after a long night of refilling water glasses to the Ca-Cha Shuffle!! Have a good night with the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you ca sleep in! Good night!

  2. The search is over! I have finally found what I've been looking for. I got passed your encryption codes and ever-changing url in an Indiana Jones type fashion. Yesssss.